I have had quite a number of friends in my life so far- at least that's what I called them then. Often times than not, they were friends to me- they were willing to go the extra mile for me, they would always be there for me whenever I needed them. I was a top priority to them. But I wasn't a friend to them. I took them for granted. When it came to them, there was always something better to do. Perhaps the most amazing thing in all this, is the fact that I paid more attention to people who did not give me the time of day. Those were the ones I tried to please, those were the ones I went out my way to seek.
We really do some bizarre things as human beings. Today, I stand ashamed and full of remorse, and ask forgiveness from those whose friendships I'd abused in the past. Though for some its already too late, and the guilt lingers.
She was the girl next door. We had just moved to a new neighborhood. She was kind, took me around, introduced me to her friends and made me feel very welcome and comfortable. Within days of our meeting, she'd told me almost everything about herself. Her openness was amazing and warming. Soon enough, she got admitted to a university and had to travel out of state. We exchanged e-mail addresses (I never mailed her), and we exchanged phone numbers. Though she called from time to time, I never bothered calling back. I would flash once in a while- but c'mon, that's still cold.
Eventually, her family moved out of the neighborhood, but she still kept in touch. She even came to visit with her fiance whom she had met at the university. She also advised me to get serious and stop flirting around.
One evening, months after I'd seen her, she called me. After accusing me of not calling her at all- to which I laughingly apologized- she told me her wedding was in a few weeks and if I didn't call her she wasn't going to call me again- yea right! she'd said that so many times before. She was just bluffing, then why did I feel that she meant it, why did I have the constant nagging feeling to call her? I couldn't understand it.
Six weeks later, I understood. She died in a plane crash on her way back from her honeymoon. Her last words to me "I'm not going to call you again o." My reply, "I've heard." How cold, how cruel, how selfish.
She's not the first friend I've lost, but the first I've lost to death. I can never try to make it up to her, I can never apologize to her, but I can make amends to those alive.
Lets look in our hearts and assess ourselves. Are we really being true as friends? It is better to lay a friendship to rest than to leave the other person hanging. Be honest with your friend even though it may hurt, be there for your friend, be supportive. Always look out for your friend and never let communication die, even if you hear nothing from your friend in a while, it won't hurt to call just to be sure that everything is okay.
Never part with anyone on a bad note. It might just be the last word said between you two.
